Blessings in disguise

Meet Oliver....

This little man absolutely has my heart. What I've learned from him has been beyond words. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I fell in love and its only grown nearly two years later. He has been quite the bundle of charm and energy.... adding adventure to each new day. He is exactly what I needed in life and its amazing how God creates just for us in our needs.

I gotta say though.... sometimes I feel like a failure as a mom... especially to him. I don't know why... but I really struggle with insecurities when it comes to parenting Ollie.  There's those moments that I go through with him where I wonder if he loves me and even realizes I'm there.
And let me just say.... putting him down for a nap or bedtime... I absolutely dread those times of day because I never know what is going to happen. Then... if things are taking to long I find myself getting impatient with him since things may not be going my way. This boy has always struggled with nap times and sleeping in general.... and it has been SUCH a test to my patience. I always thought I was a pretty patient person until having this little man.
But each new day... I find I am beginning to learn from Oliver and appreciating who God has made him to be!

These are some of the things I have learned from Oliver:

1. Not every baby is the same.  In my family, apparently all of us were sleepers and went down at a certain time and woke up at a certain time. I always thought that babies were alike... from experiences looking after siblings and what i've been told and that was they sleep lots. NO THEY DON`T! And in fact they can be as curious, active and advance faster than you think so just roll with it and stop making them to be within your mold.
2. Patience is DEFINATELY key.  Its no use beating a dead horse getting your little one to do something in your time. If you rush things.... you will be the one who ends up crying and frusterated. More than anything, it is so important to enter a situation with an attitude of ``anything can happen here so I should not set expectations for anything``. If something went one way one day.... don`t expect it to happen again the next day. 
3. Letting him make decisions.  Right from an early age, me and my husband would go to stores and place two objects in front of Oliver to let him choose. We always laughed because he had no idea what he was choosing and most of the time his hands would flail in one direction so we would get that item for him. But in the long run.... we realized that this was actually starting something for when he was older and actually had to make big tough decisions on his own. As parents, we need to give choices to him (within a certain boundary of course) because if we did all the thinking for him then he would never have a mind of his own. 
4. Cultivating helpfulness. I`m so OCD and its so easy for me to do everything and not allow anyone to help me because in my mind only I can do things the right way. But.... how can I deny my son when he sees me with the vacuum out and wants to `help` me in his own way? What am I teaching him if I constantly tell him that mommy will do it and he has to watch? I realize how much I love him helping me.... even if it comes to baking in the kitchen and we end up with more of a mess on the counter than in the actual bowl. 
5. How I view myself affects him.  If I have a negative self worth and view of myself.... he's going to take that and start looking at himself differently too because he is a part of me. He's so young and innocent and already loves me for who I am regardless of what I look like and that would be such a destructive thing for me to do if I showed him that I didn't value who God has created me to be.
6. Being the foundation is a good thing... he always loves me!  Its so discouraging for me whenever a fun family member comes over and Oliver gives them his full attention and practically brushes off my attention toward him. So many times I have walked away from a situation completely broken and devastated thinking that my little boy doesn't love me and would be better off with so and so as his parent! But then my husband finally put it in perspective.... to Ollie, I am always there. I never leave for work or come and go in his life like some people. I am his foundation.... the behind the scenes gal. And while it kinda stinks being the behind the scenes person with no recognition... I've got his back and he knows it. Oliver feels safe in the knowledge that I am always there and never leaves him and that's why he can do that. How easy it is for me to believe that lie! And while I am not perfect... I believe that I am getting better in these situations... trying not to let it affect me.

Those are just some things I have learned! There is too many to name off.... especially since each new day I learn more and more things with him! But ultimately I have been blessed.... when I was pregnant with Oliver.... I was convinced it was a girl and that I only wanted a girl. But when Ollie came.... I knew right away that God had given me what I needed and not what I wanted. And boy, am I ever glad that He did because He has created Oliver fearfully and wonderfully and I wouldn't want to change him.

So tonight.... as I tucked my mischievious little munchkin into bed at 7:15 and had him rolling around, singing songs, saying goodnite to everyone, and just plain goofing off on me for an hour.... I was reminded that these moments are precious and I should not waste them because I am too frusterated with him not settling so that I could have quiet time. And once I reminded myself of these things.... I told him I loved him..... and was rewarded with " Wuv you, Mommy!" on that gorgeous,smiling face of his! My heart melted as I realized he is a true blessing! 

Trust and Obey....

This month and a half has sure gone by like a crazy whirlwind.... since things are slowing down a bit I figured that I would write from the beginning to start things off! 

It's amazing how God works.... He is absolutely Almighty and powerful and there are no words to describe Him. He is so Big yet He still cares for us who are small and insignificant. He asks us to trust in Him and give our all to Him....yet how often do we as Christians really do that? We say we trust in God but when it boils down to it.... most of the time we try to solve things on our own and make an even bigger mess of things.  Nate and I just recently went through a testing period where we had to decide whether to trust that God would provide or if we should do things on our own strength. 

It all started back in March, both of us were discussing after a very in depth bible study and we came to the realization that we hadn't been through many trials together. Well we have... but not recently. And since we know that trials are meant to refine us and bring us closer to Christ... we really felt heavily that we wanted that and so we prayed that God would draw us to Him. At the time, I was pregnant and we had just gone through a long winter of realizing that it was time to move out of our tiny apartment that was starting to bordeline on being cramped. We prayed about what we should do .... and in midst of our praying we felt very strongly that God wanted us to give our landlords the two months notice at the beginning of April. My due date was April 1st. Cuts it short just a little. 

So here we were... April 1st..... no sign of labour yet and Nate had just gotten home at 4. We said a final prayer for peace in our decision.... then Nate headed up with our last months rent and notice. An hour goes by and I realized what I had been feeling for an hour might be labour. 12 hours later, Theo was born. 

Needless to say that, we were a bit preoccupied and overjoyed that we didn't give our circumstances much thought for about a month. But then for me the stress and anxiety started to hit May 1st when I was trying to pack but was unsure where it would all be going.... a storage place or a house. 

To make a long story short.... we were three weeks away from move out day with an idea to rent a house but no prospects in mind..... when it was mentioned to us that we should buy a house. We went to check out our financial situation with the mortgage people... not expecting much ... to later finding out we were actually doing very well and we could be approved for a mortgage to buy a house. 

We went to look for houses the following weekend... only looked at five.... but the one that stood out was the very first one. It was perfect.... almost like God had handpicked it! So we prayed and decided to put in an offer. No one had put in an offer so we were excited for the prospect of getting this house. Then we hit our first roadblock... someone else had put in an offer too and we only had one shot to get this. We got accepted and later found out that the owner only decided on our offer cuz our closing date was sooner! What a miracle! 

Well.... lets say that the whole three weeks.... we were constantly hit with roadblocks like that! We had prayed that God would show us if this was the right course and that He would hinder anything against his will. It almost seemed like the issues we faced were His way of testing us and saying," Do you really trust me? Do you?"  He wanted us on our knees crying out to Him and drawing closer. And I tell you.... there was one night where me and Nate were a wreck because we thought our situation would not get us the house. We were absolutely on our knees.... and it felt good drawing close to our Heavenly Father together. And you know.... He came through.... not in our timing though. It was always right up to the last second... or even after certain deadlines. And sometimes not in the way we would have every imagined! 

I think some people thought us crazy when we told them the situation we were in and then when we bought a house in three weeks.... but you know .... we realized small miracles in that! If we hadn't taken that leap of faith there were certain things that would have gone differently. For starters.... we might not have gotten the house because our closing date was for the end of May.

Oh how good it is to trust in our Saviour, especially when he has our best interests at heart and provides us with exactly what we need. Not what we want.....but what we NEED!

Through that whole trial, I really clung to God's word and worshipped with music. I'll leave with a song that really blessed my heart and speaks of how only Jesus is enough to get us through.


All That I Need ~ Christy Nockels

Asking where You are Lord, wondering where You've been
Is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind
Hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am 
Is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand

You fill the sun with morning light
You bent the moon to lead the night
You clothed the lillies bright and beautiful

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for 
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.

Walking through this life without your freedom in my heart
Is like holding onto shackles taht You have torn apart
So remind me of your promises and all that You have done
In this world I will have trouble, but You have overcome

And every gift that I receive, You determined just for me
But nothing I desire compares to You

In your fullness, You're my all in all
In your healing, I'm forever made whole
In your freedom, Your love overflows and carries me
You carry me, yes You carry me, You carry me

New Beginnings

I've always been horrible at keeping up with my writing... I'm forever starting journals, blog posts, etc. and never end up finishing them. So let me just start by saying.... I may not always write here but this is my attempt at least! I'm realizing how important an outlet is sometimes.... and I really need to use one sometimes!

So this is me.... welcome! I am Melissa... christ follower, wife to a wonderful, godly man, mother of two adorable little boys, and still trying to figure out the rest of me because of exhaustion!

I may be a little sappy at times, nostalgic in others, crazy in some moments, or just repetative.... but realizing how much I miss writing and sometimes....you just got to let it out! Bare with me.... most times I will be speaking out of my sleep deprived state! :)

With that.... this is hopefully the first of many! Take Care~