This little man absolutely has my heart. What I've learned from him has been beyond words. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I fell in love and its only grown nearly two years later. He has been quite the bundle of charm and energy.... adding adventure to each new day. He is exactly what I needed in life and its amazing how God creates just for us in our needs.
I gotta say though.... sometimes I feel like a failure as a mom... especially to him. I don't know why... but I really struggle with insecurities when it comes to parenting Ollie. There's those moments that I go through with him where I wonder if he loves me and even realizes I'm there.
And let me just say.... putting him down for a nap or bedtime... I absolutely dread those times of day because I never know what is going to happen. Then... if things are taking to long I find myself getting impatient with him since things may not be going my way. This boy has always struggled with nap times and sleeping in general.... and it has been SUCH a test to my patience. I always thought I was a pretty patient person until having this little man.
But each new day... I find I am beginning to learn from Oliver and appreciating who God has made him to be!
These are some of the things I have learned from Oliver:
- Not every baby is the same. In my family, apparently all of us were sleepers and went down at a certain time and woke up at a certain time. I always thought that babies were alike... from experiences looking after siblings and what i've been told and that was they sleep lots. NO THEY DON`T! And in fact they can be as curious, active and advance faster than you think so just roll with it and stop making them to be within your mold.
- Patience is DEFINATELY key. Its no use beating a dead horse getting your little one to do something in your time. If you rush things.... you will be the one who ends up crying and frusterated. More than anything, it is so important to enter a situation with an attitude of ``anything can happen here so I should not set expectations for anything``. If something went one way one day.... don`t expect it to happen again the next day.
- Letting him make decisions. Right from an early age, me and my husband would go to stores and place two objects in front of Oliver to let him choose. We always laughed because he had no idea what he was choosing and most of the time his hands would flail in one direction so we would get that item for him. But in the long run.... we realized that this was actually starting something for when he was older and actually had to make big tough decisions on his own. As parents, we need to give choices to him (within a certain boundary of course) because if we did all the thinking for him then he would never have a mind of his own.
- Cultivating helpfulness. I`m so OCD and its so easy for me to do everything and not allow anyone to help me because in my mind only I can do things the right way. But.... how can I deny my son when he sees me with the vacuum out and wants to `help` me in his own way? What am I teaching him if I constantly tell him that mommy will do it and he has to watch? I realize how much I love him helping me.... even if it comes to baking in the kitchen and we end up with more of a mess on the counter than in the actual bowl.
- How I view myself affects him. If I have a negative self worth and view of myself.... he's going to take that and start looking at himself differently too because he is a part of me. He's so young and innocent and already loves me for who I am regardless of what I look like and that would be such a destructive thing for me to do if I showed him that I didn't value who God has created me to be.
- Being the foundation is a good thing... he always loves me! Its so discouraging for me whenever a fun family member comes over and Oliver gives them his full attention and practically brushes off my attention toward him. So many times I have walked away from a situation completely broken and devastated thinking that my little boy doesn't love me and would be better off with so and so as his parent! But then my husband finally put it in perspective.... to Ollie, I am always there. I never leave for work or come and go in his life like some people. I am his foundation.... the behind the scenes gal. And while it kinda stinks being the behind the scenes person with no recognition... I've got his back and he knows it. Oliver feels safe in the knowledge that I am always there and never leaves him and that's why he can do that. How easy it is for me to believe that lie! And while I am not perfect... I believe that I am getting better in these situations... trying not to let it affect me.
Those are just some things I have learned! There is too many to name off.... especially since each new day I learn more and more things with him! But ultimately I have been blessed.... when I was pregnant with Oliver.... I was convinced it was a girl and that I only wanted a girl. But when Ollie came.... I knew right away that God had given me what I needed and not what I wanted. And boy, am I ever glad that He did because He has created Oliver fearfully and wonderfully and I wouldn't want to change him.
So tonight.... as I tucked my mischievious little munchkin into bed at 7:15 and had him rolling around, singing songs, saying goodnite to everyone, and just plain goofing off on me for an hour.... I was reminded that these moments are precious and I should not waste them because I am too frusterated with him not settling so that I could have quiet time. And once I reminded myself of these things.... I told him I loved him..... and was rewarded with " Wuv you, Mommy!" on that gorgeous,smiling face of his! My heart melted as I realized he is a true blessing!
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